Meaning will not be found at 3am cruising the empty streets of a dead mill town. Not down vacant, alley cat passages that cut along the granite chunk river. Not behind the flake paint walls of lean-to tenement buildings. Not left nor right down dead-end-life-threatening-blvds. Scary is the insomniac gambling on the turn of the wheel..fingers crossed, door ajar...waiting to make that leap into the fresh. Risking all for that chance to sleep anew. Its 3am

Vlad

I was just walking into my living room and a bat the size of a toaster oven was doing laps around the ceiling light. Having had my share of encounters with these little bastards I showed no fear and understood that it would have to make a pit stop sooner or later and it would be at that point that I could grab it and toss it back into the wild. HOWEVER, this behemoth took three laps, hung a left and pulled a Houdini on me. I have been looking for the last two hours and I can't for the life of me figure out where in the hell it went. Now, like I said, I had no fear. But...that statement was made when I was still maintaining visual contact. The idea that this prick could be roosting over my bed kind of gives me the willies. I am debating whether or not to build a mosquito net out of Q-Tips and 8mm film.

Super

Everyone at some point in their lives believes that they have some sort of supernatural powers that separate them from the rest of the population. I'm not talking about tying a towel around your neck and running around the living room chasing the cat when you were, like, 27. I mean legitimate "ESP" kinds of weirdness. Some believe they are capable of guessing the future while others profess the ability to leave their bodies under deep meditation. Back when I used to imbibe in man-made hallucinogens I truly believed that I could breath through ice cream and that with enough backing and blotter acid I would someday perform at the Lincoln Center. Now that decades have past since my last "voyage" the only thing that I can hold up as an example of anything even remotely supernatural is that I can sometimes see through my eye-lids late at night. Really! And when I finally get my fingers to shoot lasers it will be ass kicking time.

Certain cross to bear.

I drove by a woman today who was talking to herself. She was really over-emphasizing her words and in the brief seconds it took to pass her I think what she said was "I know for a fact when the world will end" or "I now have a cat whose Zen won't bend." I would have been useless on both counts so I went for a coffee and a fruity thing.

Think Before You Joke

I was making spaghetti today and realized I needed a can of whole tomatoes. I drove down to the market and grabbed a can and as I was walking down the aisle I noticed a sorry looking kid stocking shelves. Besides collecting tolls on the interstate I cannot think of a more mind numbing job than stocking supermarket shelves. So I thought I would make the kid laugh. Holding out the can and with a serious expression on my face I asked him if my canned tomatoes were fresh. Well, he looked at the can, looked at me, looked at the can and then kind of got a glazed look in his eyes. Realizing I wasn't dealing with Lenny Bruce I brought the can up to my nose, sniffed it and said "yep, they're fine" and walked away. Pick your targets wisely.

Insanity

I watched a fantastic documentary last night over at Fitchburg State College. Created by former student Melanie Perkins it is one of the more powerful pieces I have seen in a great while.


"Have You Seen Andy?" is the personal story of a childhood friendship abruptly ended by the tragic abduction of a young boy. On a hot summer day in August 1976, ten year-old Andy Puglisi was playing along with dozens of other children at the Higgins Memorial Pool in Lawrence, Massachusetts. Then suddenly, he disappeared. Twenty-two years later, filmmaker Melanie Perkins, Andy's childhood friend, begins her search for answers in this feature-length documentary.

Image Sells

How fucking dumb do advertisers think we are to believe that they can take a television personality, throw a product in their hand and expect us to get a hard-on for that product simply because this personality says "ya gotta have it"? Well, let me rephrase that: why are we so dumb that we fall for this shit? First of all I have never been a big celebrity fan. I certainly enjoy watching sports and going to the movies if I know a certain player or actor will be performing. But that's where it ends. I am aware that there is no relationship beyond my reach of the remote control. I don't know them and they don't know me. Ultimately when it comes time to pay the bills or figure out why my balls itch they are not going to be there with a checkbook or ointment. So I find it fascinating that celebrity endorsements are considered high value marketing for advertisers. What qualifications does someone who plays a doctor on TV have in trying to get me to buy a fucking car during a commercial break? Maybe the line between fantasy and reality is just a little too thin and some people truly want to believe that these recognizable faces somehow understand their needs or that through some act of loyalty they will be just a little more like them. There has to be some form of mental breakdown because there is no other reason why a 19 year old, 300lb hog farmer from Nebraska should ever believe that if he eats a certain brand of burger he too will be able to dunk a basketball. But he continues to do so. Well people, the sad truth is that celebrities don't really give a shit if you buy that product or not. For a fat check they would sell diamond studded designer colostomy bags. You have to remember that these people have no more of a clue about life than the guy pissing on a dumpster behind the bus stop. Their success should never be confused with omniscience.
Advertisers are pimps by nature and celebrities are simply pseudo-pimps hired to whore a certain product. I find it difficult to buy something that needs to be "jazzed" up by Tiger Woods. If there is a product out there that performs the same function as the one with the "Swoosh" then I am buying it. If there isn't then just say that and stop all this celebrity nonsense.