All You Need Is Love

I was listening to the radio today and some country artist was going off on some twangy fools rant to the affect that "all you need is love." I felt echoes of the Beatles whom I am damned sure weren’t the first to propose this hedonistic way of living and it sent shivers down my spine that a sentiment this trite could still find its ways over the airways. Furthermore, in a time when a person can sue the manufacturer of a hot tub company because he got his dick stuck in one of the water jets...and WIN then I would think it risky, at best, to allow such callous advice to be given to a group of already mentally disadvantaged listeners. Don't get me wrong but if you have a country station pre-programmed on your radio then there is more than a fifty percent chance that when you lost your virginity all you needed was a handful of carrots and a key to a barn door. With that said, I still feel it is unfair to lead people to the foolish belief that Love is all you need.
First of all lets set the record straight; love is a wonderful emotional experience. Nothing can compare with a bottle of cheap whiskey, the passwords to a dozen porn websites and an empty house. But this only fills the emotional voids in your life. I would certainly think that if I was a country crooner and wanted to send a message of truth I would start with the hit "all you need is Food." Give or take a few lustful cravings, you can probably last an entire lifetime without love. However, try and go three weeks without a burger and your spleen will start chewing on your liver. And in the country world you are basically preaching to the chorus. These people understand what it means to be well fed. Did you know that any state South of Maryland has to have the words "Beef" and Cream cheese" in their states anthem? Its true.
And what about water? Experts say that in optimal conditions a person will last about a week without water. Considering the human body is comprised of nearly 72ish percent of this liquid it is not surprising that after three days without water a person will attempt slit their wrists with the family Poodle. But again, "All You Need Is Water" played by a country singer whose initiation to manhood included lighting his own urine on fire after a five day moonshine bender is not going to have the same intended educational effect.
What about shelter? Its a nice place to start. A warm house to keep you out of the elements seems to me to be far more important than love. Sure, a nice set of tits to stand under during a driving rain is one thing but throw in freezing temperatures and those hammers better be hiding a wood burning stove. Once again we find ourselves barking up the wrong tree. How do you impress upon someone the importance of staying out of the elements when their idea of a house includes four tires, a propane tank and an awning. They’re just not going to listen.
Lastly, and far more important than anything I have previously proposed...there is air. Within 6 to 10 minutes of losing your last breath you are on deaths door. Even if revived atr this point the only thing you would ever be capable of again would be drooling or maybe clapping for you high school football team. You just have to have air. Try holding your breath for a minute. Now imagine some crazy bitch who you thought loved you holding a pillow over your face for five minutes. Hmmm? AIR! But how am I ever going to get "Hopalong Hayseed" to sing the virtues of cool clean air when he has a lit Lucky hanging from his lips, two between his fingers waiting to go and a group of kids at his feet dying to be just...like...him. Ah, fuck it. Maybe we do need to over simplify things and pander to the masses. I know for a fact that love aint all you need...but maybe its a good place to start.