Halloween

Of all the celebrations that this holiday-overdosed nation observes Halloween is by far the one that I most look forward to. Not so much for the event itself but for the absolute gold mine of memories it has served. Unofficially, it is Halloween that begins the two and a half month spiral of festive nonsense that culminates in the obligatory dry heaves on January 1st. Like a runner loading carbs the night before a marathon, Halloween serves a similar purpose by encouraging an already overweight nation to get jacked out of their tits on sugar so that they can power through the coming months on artificial energy. On paper Thanksgiving and Christmas each have their own merits. What other back to back holidays celebrate the annihilation of one culture and the intolerance of the rest? It is Halloween that rests unpretentiously here at the end of October; no shiny new bikes or remote controlled cars held above children's heads as hostages of good and bad. It simply exists as an exhibition of flawed American understanding of foreign cultural celebrations. And I wouldn't have it any other way.
My earliest memories of Halloween come mostly from washed out Polaroids and grainy black and white super8 films. With man attempting to set foot on the moon and Vietnam raging a world away I was often dressed up as an pint sized astronaut or baby faced G.I.. I can only imagine what goes on in the mind of a child not yet capable of rational thought as they are dragged through the streets at night with countless horrors passing before their eyes. Can't understand why you child wets the bed? But when that magical age is reached and the comprehension that playing dress-up equates with bags of sugary treats then the true games begin. You now understand that dressed like a lunatic and armed with three magic words a world of legalized begging has opened where, if the porch light is on, you are almost certainly guaranteed something special for your efforts.
You always remember those houses that offer the best treats; full sized candy bars, sticks of gum or some other expensive store-bought item. And you learned to avoid those houses that pushed shit like candy corn, popcorn balls or something that could easily hide a saw blade or arsenic. Our house fell in the middle range of these two. Some years my parents would buy so much candy that we would heap handfuls on wide eyed kids. Other times my father would expect a single bag of mini-Snickers to supply a neighborhood full of rowdy kids only to realize at 5pm that he had run out and rather than turning off the porch light he would begin passing out individual marshmallows or Ritz Crackers (no shit). I guess if you have any sense of dignity, or remember how fantastic it was to say "trick or Treat" and be met with something substantial, then you prepare for the onslaught of kids with truly memorable goodies.
I can't think of any celebration that allows everyone involved a chance to feel like they are making a contribution. Certainly you were whoring yourself off as a Devil or super hero only to be paid off in confection but at the same time the "Johnny" homeowner had the satisfaction of opening his doors to some smiling faces and a flood of memories. Its a victimless event.
Just remember the two cardinal rules of Halloween: 1) don't be a dick by skimping on the candy 2) you now serve as the memory provider...don't fuck it up.