Sound and the Fury

My aunt is one of the classiest women I know. She is an avid opera fan, attends all gallery functions and could whoop any one's ass in a game of classical Name That Tune. So it was a trifle disturbing that I should crack a joke the other day and she would rip the loudest fart I have ever heard come out of a human body. We were sitting at her kitchen table and I just happened to let fly with an off color joke. I have never told her an off color joke but I figured at least once in her 80 years of existence she was damned well going to hear one. As soon as I released the punch line she threw her head back to laugh but before anything could come out of her mouth a sound I can only describe as an uncooperative elephant seal being dragged across over-sized bubble wrap. She caught herself mid-laugh, jumped from the table and ran into the bathroom. I sat there stunned listening to what I thought was sobbing coming from beneath the bathroom door. I thought about making a hasty exit but before I could split she reappeared wiping tears from her eyes and laughing hysterically. "I almost pooped my pants!" she said. Well, it just goes to show you. You can take the girl out of the opera house but if you do she may just ask you to pull her finger.